Eight months ago the church I thought I would pastor for the rest of my life ended.

The reasons it happened are another story. That’s not my purpose in writing.

When our church ended I was a long way down a very dark hole. Eight months of pain, counseling, and reflection have shown me I had no idea how deep or dark that hole was. It has only been in the last month that I have truly begun to sense my self resurfacing. That’s not quite right. That season of confusion has marked and changed me in profound ways. It has been the most profoundly transformative season of my life.

However, it has been in the last month that I’ve been able to reflect on the life of our church without a pain that causes me to mentally and emotionally retreat. It’s still hard for me to turn my whole self toward the time we had with our church, but for a different reason than before. I miss it. I believe now more than ever that we made the right decision to end. But I look back with increasing fondness and gratefulness for that time–even with all the pain–and I miss it.

This change has allowed me to begin naming some very good things from our time with those people, in that form, for that season, that I don’t want to lose. That’s what my next handful of blog posts are about. I write it first for myself–to remember, acknowledge, and be grateful to God–but I also believe these reflections could be beneficial to others. That’s why I’m sharing them here.

Other Posts in This Series

• The Love of the Church
• We’re All the Church–Kids Included
• The Importance of the Weekly Gathering
• The Privilege and Challenge of Being a Pastor and Friend